I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
