it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
