So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
