how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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