it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
