Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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