I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
