a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
