He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
