If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
