I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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