i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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