one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
