If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
