This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
