I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
