well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
