Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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