What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I love you. Go after that dick
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
