Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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