i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
