My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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