I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
