Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
