I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
