If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
