I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
tequila makes me forget i have legs
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
