my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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