Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
