I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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