The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
