glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
