I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
