Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I need water and some morals
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
