my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
