We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
