i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
