i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
