but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
