Too much gin, very little bucket
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
