You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
