don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
