ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
