my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I intend to get homeless drunk
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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