Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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