I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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