Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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