the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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