they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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