Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
